shiny happy person

In the spirit of the last post, I'm making another list. For some reason I'm having difficulty lately conceptualizing ideas in chunks of prose, which is my usual thought process. Needless to say, this doesn't bode well for all the thesis writing I have to get done by the beginning of next week. I'm sure it's a symptom of avoidance...on a very sub-conscious level.

Let's simplify things. What I'm happy about:
1. A 50 degree day today. Loooong fingers of water reaching across parking lots, snow mites on the surface eating decayed leaves, sun sun sun, warmth warmth warmth. It's scary how much weather regulates my mood--how a warm, bright day that comes just after turning the clocks ahead can snap a funk so easily. I need to bottle that shit and sell it.

2. My iPod shuffle selections tonight have been marvelous. Hit after hit. The last three have been St. Vincent's Marry Me (favorite song of the moment), Yeah Yeah Yeahs' Rich, Ray Charles' Lonely Avenue, and Missy Elliot's Hit Em Wit Da Hee. Quite a mix. Outstanding.

3. The potential opportunity to go to Korea for four weeks at the end of the summer and teach English to middle-schoolers.

4. My parents waited until after exams to tell me that we'd be taking a family vacation to the Ritz Carlton at Amelia Island in June. My aunt and uncle took them (and all the sisters and brothers but none of the "kids") last year to participate in their wedding (their second to one another, after a divorce a few years ago). My parents loved it so much they've decided to return and take us with them. The funny thing is that they are basically going on a vacation to the Ritz Carlton, not Amelia Island. They love the hotel: the food, the entertainment, the free bar with over-the-top cocktails in the lounge on every floor, the beds. They couldn't stop talking about the beds. I'm just happy to be going on a trip with my family again. It's been awhile.

5. Speaking of family and aunts, I'm also happy about Aunt Jane sending me a Happy St. Patrick's Day card two weeks early and signing it:
Love, Gary & Jane (and Rocky Boy Floyd)

6. Productivity. I sent off two job applications today (and one I might actually have a shot at), graded six research papers, kicked my ass at the gym (and L's ass, too), and enjoyed a bit of the day.

7. My clean apartment. I'm generally a kitchen/bathroom neat-freak, so those weren't an issue. The issue was the multiple stacks of books piled into mini Pisa's in my bedroom, living room, and in a not-so-convenient perimeter around my dining room table. They are now on shelves, organized by genre first then height. All spines facing the correct direction. Order. Balance. Need these to survive.

8. I finally saw Into the Wild the other night with the P-ster, and it wasn't good. This is not the "what I'm happy about" part. Though I would have liked it to be a good film and for Sean Penn to have succeeded, this just confirms my opinion that Into the Wild was one of the best nonfiction books ever written in its execution, research, reportage, treatment of character, and insight. So good it'd be nearly impossible to re-create the depth of the story on screen. I'll give the movie the final scene where Chris finally expires in the bus (for any unfamiliar with the story, I'm not spoiling anything here). It was moving, well-acted and well-shot. However. I found the script (which I think Penn adapted himself) heavy handed and trying a bit too hard. I found the effects and editing distracting; there was no reason for them. Oh, and the moose scene was riveting for the fact that it looked like real moose was used, but could have been done better. Hal Holbrook was amazing and probably deserved that Oscar nomination, but his performance came across as all the better against the sub-par performances of the others (except for the always good Catherine Keener). And while I'm on actors, every single shot with the lady-friend, Tracy, played by Kristen Stewart (I think that's her name) was ramped up like a sexified preteen beauty in cutoffs sweating it up in the desert Calvin Klein ad and although visually stunning, it took away from the story of the film. In sum, I'm happy that Jon Krakauer is an amazing writer.

9. Taking this spring break to catch up with my work. Like I was saying to someone today, instead of every day being a come from behind victory, now things are more even-keeled. Stoked about that.

10. The documentary My Kid Could Paint That. I don't have the energy right now to go into all the things that I admire in this movie. In a phrase, maybe just the way the narrative modulates. I don't know. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it I guess.

11. My decision to reduce the five major assignments down to four in Comp. It's Spring Break and we've gotten through two thus far. It seems logical to me to take the last half of the semester for just two more and make them really good and in-depth. I'll have Easter and the onset of Spring figetyness to deal with, so this arrangement will be best for all.

12. I made a pretty delicious fish recipe this evening. Salmon with some garlic, honey, and spice. Not much because salmon is a pretty strong fish anyway. But it was good.

13. Did I mention the warmth? and the vacation? and getting a lot of shit done? So many things to be happy about. Making it to number thirteen on this list, for consistency sake. That's good, too...you know, with the Order & Balance and all.

a photoessay and the third person to explore the things that we do

Tomorrow is Tuesday, October 30. Anna teaches Comp 101 at 10:00. Anna won't see her students until next Tuesday because she's going back to Iowa and cancelled classes on Thursday. Anna loves (most of) her students and feels guilty for not making them popcorn balls for Halloween like she had planned on doing. Life got in the way...again. It's 2am and Anna knows that if she shows up to class tomorrow without Halloween candy, she'll regret it. The students deserve it. Anna is stressed.

A lightbulb--as clear as a block-lettered, glowing beacon in the night--appears in Anna's mind:

She seems to remember that it's open 24-hours-a-day. She cannot remember the last time she was there, but desperate times...

Anna gets into her car with Loyal Meg riding shotgun (and Loyal Meg's camera) with vigor and purpose. "Those kids deserve a nice treat! They worked so hard on the Explanatory Syntheses!" (She fails to mention the two workshop papers sitting on her dining room table that need to be critiqued by tomorrow a.m.)

The open road. Almost as open as Anna is to suggestion at this point...

All that black. All that night. All those hours during the day holding conferences for the students she is on the road for now. All those words on all those pages. All that black ink melding into an encompassing mush, seeping through the skin like osmosis...into the finger, up the hand, the forearm, the shoulder. Into the fast-moving stream of the jugular. Hours later into the brain.

Anna's tired.

She arrives at the mega-store. The parking lot as tired as she is.

The candy selection, too. Trick-or-treat was last weekend. She thought at least she'd get surplus bags of candy at a discount. Not really.

She chooses caramel apple suckers and Hershey's mini candy bars. One each for each student. Extra for the office. Dark chocolate for Loyal Meg. Despite the vacant look on her face, Anna's thrilled. She likes the student who's obsessed with the Beatles the most. And the football player in front is a card. The ones who did the extra credit will appreciate the gesture.

Anna is still tired though. Usually 2am isn't a big deal. After a long weekend and consistently little sleep though, Anna can't hold out much longer.

She falls asleep at the wheel on Madison Avenue. The car careens into a Minnesota half-lake. The impact is enough to send a sucker stem out of the package and into her jugular where it quickly dislodges and the floodgates open.

Don't let it be in vain, Loyal Meg. Tell my story to the world! Deliver my candy to my students tomorrow. Give it to them before you tell them the tragic news. Make sure you wish them a Happy Halloween.