tid bits

New developments in my life that really only me or those closest to me might have any interest in but it still feels good just to write them down:

I now need to wear my glasses to see the text on computer screens just a few feet from my face. I hope this is due to stress levels and not eyesight deterioration. The first time I thought I needed glasses because I couldn't see the front of the classroom, the optomotrist told me my sight was fine any only impaired because I was under too much stress (true) and/or not getting enough sleep (also true). While these two things are still true today, it's a different kind of stress (rewarding) and a different kind of lack of sleep (worth it). Bottom line: If glasses become an essential thing for me, that means I'll need/want contacts and I hate the thought of contacts. Ugh.

I'm noticing that I'm making more mistakes as I type. Ever since I had a computer (Christmas 0?...a hulking Gateway beaut in that monochromatic cow-print box) I've been anal retentive about being error-free, punctually/grammatically/mechanically correct. I usually still maintain the latter, but my typos are getting out of control. "Out of control" in my eyes for this particular subject would be noticing an error once a week. Then I cringe at all the errors floating around in cyber-space with my name attached to them that I have missed. (Maybe it's because I can't see the effing screen.) It's a pride thing. Everyone is entitled to vices.

I've become buddies with a woman in my nonfiction workshop. She's older--30's--peppy, cute as a freaking button, hilarious in a very neurotic way and she's kind of brillant. She's a professor of Neurobiology and is taking a writing class for "fun." She's invited me to a gathering on Friday with other friends of hers who are probably super-smart and I'm a bit intimidated. At one time she was the elite of the elite in cutting edge science at a major university in I-forget-where. However, she doesn't exhibit the signs of the genius who must inevitably be severely lacking in some other element of their life. She appears completely normal and well adjusted and presents herself this way (as I hope I do too despite what's under the surface), but from what she's written, she's had some fucked up times. This is what I LOVE about nonfiction workshops: we share some of the most personal stories and experiences and vulnerabilities with one another and throughout the course of the semester, everyone has seen everyone else's, so we're all on the same team. This semester has been probably the most fulfilling in all my years in school. Our little, 11-person class has evolved into a pretty tight-knit community and it's because we know things about one another that sometimes just a select few people in this world know about us each.

Order is finally being restored to my life. Why? Because it needs to be. Because without schedule and organization and meticulous routine, I'm a mess. And it's always my fault because I always feel like I need a break when I think things are getting bad, and no matter how many times I've been through it before, I temporarily forget that breaks always make things worse. Denial is a powerful and terrible thing and if I had three wishes, #2 would be to never experience it again.

a new segment: iPod-altry

iLibrary highlights for the third week of November:




Arcade Fire is a gloriously enthusiastic and sweat-filled show. Better still, they're not afraid of the hurdy gurdy and they rock.












CocoRosie. Transcendent? Systematically surprising. One of those that you cannot sing to and you're okay with that.








Sufjan, wrap your paper wings around me and pretend-fly me to wherever you begin.

debate? that's debatable.

Question: What's the difference between the democratic presidential candidates at the CNN debate and the members of the audience asking said candidates questions?

Answer: The candidates are more rehearsed and have a delivery that's less obviously memorized.

Addendum: And when did "abortion rights" become "privacy rights"?

excerpts from Outlook's "Sent Items;" 12 Nov to 6 Aug (in reverse chronology)

planning to drop friends off at the Minneapolis airport this weekend: i just worry that i'll squeeze myself into your carry-on and fly away to chicago and never ever come back to comp papers and professors who always want to be drunk.

regarding not coming home for Thanksgiving this year: The family will likely be shocked at my absence...I've always been the one whose life has been just boring enough to make it to just about every single family function (on the Schwartz side anyway)!

regarding being nominated for an award and automatically weighing the extra work before the honor: EXCITING but stressful. Yin and Yang. Cobber and Blue? THE BUDDIES! (Sorry, I think I can feel my brain leeking out of my ear and down my neck.) Which reminds me, I saw that little bump on my neck again...you know the one the Dr. said was probably just mucus build-up or something...I'll keep an eye on it.

regarding movies: High off of my (partially interrupted) viewing of Rebecca, I checked out Notorius (Hitchcock, Bergman, Grant) from the library. LOVED IT! Really, truely loved it. It's now one of my Top 10 Best Movies of All Time. Number one is, of course, Out of Africa. Did you see that Streep and Redford are together again in the new Lions for Lambs? I'm interested (because of Meryl) but hugely dissapointed that I'll have to sit through a few hourse of Tom Cruise screen time, too. I loathe him. Maybe you guys can go see it then tell me if it's worth it or not.

regarding potentially inappropriate relationships outside of the classroom: One of my students (the one who works at the strip club) wants me to go to the bar tonight while she's working. 2 for 1 drinks. Generally I don't buy into the whole "take the edge off" concept, but I sure feel like that's exactley what I need. I told her not tonite, though. Maybe before the end of the semester. I just think it might be weird-ish.

regarding my adorably technologically challenged father: Mother: please print this email for Father. Father: I suggest you hang this on the fridge...or, on your beloved Total Gym

Instructions to retrieve voicemail:
1. Dial Voicemailbox by either 1) choosing OKAY when prompted that you have a new voicemail on the screen, or 2) press 1 and SEND to call mailbox manually.
2. while your recorded "leave a message" voice is playing, press # key
3. woman will prompt you to enter password: 1313
4. listen to messages (after full message plays, either delete by pressing 7 or save by pressing 9)
5. close phone

Father: godspeed on your endeavor to master voicemail. hopefully by Christmas you'll be texting
Mother and Sister: inundate Father's phone with messages. the only way to learn is through practice

correspondence with a student about printing a final paper to be handed in the following day. i told them they absolutely could not use the printer in our classroom. but the printer in the dorm lounge is not working: (if you need to print tomorrow morning in 331, it's okay...just come early...and don't tell anyone. i don't want to force you into the harsh november winds tonite.)
(this message will self-destruct in 30 seconds!)

from a student about setting up a time to conference with me (note the horrific language/grammar/spelling/everything): hey anna srry about not signing up i am available at 2:20 tomarrow i have practice at 3 so as long as it doesn't last longer that 40 min everything should b gravy haha. see you then
my response: Gravy!

discussion prompt for a meeting i did not attend: On-Campus sculptures: rate them on a scale of 1-5, 1 being hideous and 5 being moderately hideous

some pedantic, elevated crap: Yesterday was our gorgeous day up here...sunny, seventy, and sweet. Today still has some of yesterday's lingering warmth, but it's overcast. However, the Minnesota river valley has been set ablaze with fall's colors...the trees really are beautiful here. I wish I had the presense of mind to carry my camera around more, but with all the books I've been toting to and from campus, I just can't stand one more item.

correspondence with a student about the film "Across the Universe" actually coming to Mankato and the greatness of Paul McCartney: That's crazy talk. I better go this weekend because it's not bound to stay in Mankato for long! Paul's a prophet.

a happy birthday exchange: I, too, might have a mid-mid life crisis. Let's do it together! Let's take extravagant trips (with the money from our young, 21-year old beaus) to mediocre destinations...the Ritz Carlton of Reno, Nevada, or an island getaway to one of those big sand-shores at the base of the Mississippi! What fun!

miscellaneous to mom: You're my idol for saving lives at the blood bank on holidays. Seriously. You're one hard-workin mama.
I'm glad you finally got the fountain moved. Sorry that I couldn't bring the Gun Show to town to help you guys with the heavy lifting!

regarding Cobber and Blue: OOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo Da Buddies!

touch me?

I think about an iPod Touch. Probably more than I should. I have a piece of computer paper taped to the side of my bookshelf and divided into 5 sections that are labeled with names: Ma, Pa, Sis, Boyfriend, Gram. It's a Christmas List brainstorm and it reminds me daily of the iPod Touch; the present I want for myself. My little Nano, which had its face scratched on Day 2 of possession, no longer holds a charge for as long as I'd like it to. I would have been happy with a replacement Nano. Maybe even in black this time. But. Then me sees the Touch ads. Me hears the music is my boyfriend hook. Me gets wowed by the wow factor. Me feels like a silly little girl with a pen in her hand writing to the North Pole or waiting to sit on Santa's lap, requesting the newest and shiniest toy. But it's not for the fad of it. Music, baby. Music (and email and google and power on the fingertips and prestige in the pocket). My dad is shipping a stocking hat to me that has speakers built in to the ear flaps. He got it for free at his beauty supply store. If I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go all out.

I'm doing my best to avoid BestBuy. I want to touch it. It calls to me. I know it will be obsolete the second I buy it (or unwrap it???). I look at my little, grey, antiquated Nano wheel; I run the track with my fingertip and think about how I used to consider its fragility: don't press too hard, don't place it upsidedown in your pocket, don't squeeze it when removing it from the sleeve. It's lasted me for years and now it's time to handle the next incarnation too carefully.